Polyamory vs Monogamy: Is polyamory better?

Polyamorous/non-monogamous relationships have become pretty popular in recent years. I'm definitely a fan of people being able to live life in the way that best works for them. This includes the type of relationship that they choose to participate in (or lack thereof). However, I have noticed a few trends that seem to me like a lot of people are trying to justify their personal choices by vilifying the alternatives and making statements such as "non-monogamy is generally better for everyone", "monogamy is generally bad", and "monogamy is unnatural". This could be an example of people assuming that what applies to them also applies generally for everyone, so if something feels unnatural for them personally then it must be unnatural in general. However, there are many people who have no desire to be non-monogamous (dating and/or having sex with other people outside of their relationship), so this doesn't really make sense. I'll address some of the common things I've heard in the sections below.

Monogamy is toxic

I do believe that "toxic monogamy" is a thing just like "toxic masculinity" is a thing. By toxic, I mean that a behavior is harmful to either an individual or society as a whole. In the case of toxic masculinity, masculinity is not in and of itself toxic but can manifest in toxic ways. Monogamy can be like this as well. It's not inherently toxic to be monogamous, but it becomes toxic when you let your desire to be monogamous and your desire for your partner to be monogamous influence how you navigate the relationship (like people saying you can't be friends with the opposite gender due to insecurity). There are other cases of toxic rules/interactions that are somewhat normalized in society so i can kind of see why people say monogamy is toxic but what people are missing is that it doesn't have to be this way. My personal opinion is that if you have to control another grown adult by establishing a bunch of rules and guidelines about their behavior then you either have some insecurity to work through or this is not the person you should be with.

You can't get all of your needs met by one person therefore monogamy is not natural

It's true that we cannot get all of our interpersonal needs met by a singular person. We are meant to have a community. However, I don't think this means that you need multiple romantic partners. I think it's very possible to have your needs met without a romantic partner at all. We should strive to be a complete person even as single people, so one partner shouldn't be necessary much less multiple partners. The only thing you should really need a non-platonic person to fulfill is romantic and sexual connection which should be able to be met by 1 person.

I mostly see men saying this, but it's not gender-specific. I think the reason why I hear this more from men is because they are generally lacking in community. Many of them don't have deep relationships with other men. Additionally, they don't always see value in women outside of romantic/sexual connection, so they feel like they need multiple partners to fulfill this need when they really could solve this by having a better friend group. In some cases, they don't have female friends due to their girlfriend/wife not being comfortable with it or the women they are trying to befriend thinking the man is hitting on them, etc.

Non-monogamy is the solution to cheating

Cheating will probably reduce as non-monogamous relationships become more normalized, but cheating is inherently selfish. People who cheat are prioritizing their wants over their partners well being. Selfish people will be selfish regardless of the situation, and selfishness will likely show up in other aspects of the relationship. This can actually be magnified if there are multiple partners. Relationships require a lot of maturity, communication and consideration for your partner. Selfish people are not strong in these areas.

Additionally, most non-monogamous relationships still have boundaries, and many people still cheat in these relationships. I read of a couple where the boundary was sex is fine but not with a past romantic partner. The guy could have had sex with any number of people but he chose to have sex with his ex. This is clear example of selfishness being at play.

Conclusion

Non-monogamy can be great for people who want it as long as they are open and honest with their partners. It should also be reciprocal without any "what if the partner is ok with it". It should never be a rule that partner a can do something that partner b is not "allowed" to do. If they choose to not engage outside of the relationship then that's fine, but it shouldn't be asked. You should not be doing anything that you wouldn't be ok with your partner also doing. This applies in general to multiple aspects of a relationship. Whatever you are asking from your partner, you should provide the same or complementary thing.

Many people may be insecure about their choices and feel as if they are not represented in society so they want to make polyamory the default instead of monogamy. What we really should be doing is trying to move away from there being a default at all.